Navigating Perinatal Mood Difficulties: A Brief Self-Help Guide

Understanding Mood Difficulties in the Perinatal Period

Becoming a parent is one of life’s biggest transformations—beautiful, intense, and sometimes overwhelming. If you’re feeling anxious, low, or lost in self-doubt, you’re not alone. Many parents experience emotional struggles as they adjust, and it’s not a reflection of how much you love your baby or how good a parent you are.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT) offer powerful ways to understand and shift unhelpful patterns of thinking and behaviour, helping us respond to ourselves with greater kindness and connection.

But healing is also deeply relational. Our experiences of being parented, our past relationships, and the way we’ve learned to cope with emotions all shape how we experience early parenthood. Let’s explore how to move toward self-compassion and deeper connection with both yourself and your baby.

1. The Nervous System and Emotional Regulation

Your nervous system plays a key role in how you respond to stress. When we feel safe and connected, our body is in a regulated state. But when we feel overwhelmed, our nervous system can go into fight, flight, freeze mode.

- Fight/Flight: Anxiety, panic, frustration, restlessness.

- Freeze: Feeling numb, stuck, disconnected. Exhaustion, withdrawal, depression.

💡 Exercise: Take a moment to notice your body. What state do you feel in right now? Where do you feel tension or ease? Try taking three slow, deep breaths and notice any changes.

2. The Window of Tolerance: Finding Your Balance

The window of tolerance describes the emotional zone where we feel safe and able to cope (the middle zone in the image below). Stress can push us outside this window, leading to dysregulation. The upper ‘red’ zone, represents fight/flight, and the lower ‘blue’ zone represents freeze.

If we have experienced lots of stress over time, our bodies learn that we need the red and blue zones so they grow (and our WoT shrinks). We can widen our WoT by noticing when we are slipping into the blue and the red zones, and bringing ourselves back using soothing or energising practices…

Image Source: Psychology Today

Expanding Your Window of Tolerance

- Soothing Strategies (use when slipping into the red zone): Gentle breathing, mindfulness practices, noticing and releasing tension in the body.

- Energising Strategies (use when slipping into the blue zone): Standing up, moving the body, sensory grounding (really attending to 5 things you can see, hear, smell, taste, touch)

💡 Exercise: Think of one small action that helps you to soothe and energise yourself. Can you commit to trying it today?

3. Attachment, Trauma, and Parenthood

Our early experiences with caregivers can shape how we relate to ourselves and others. If we experienced criticism, neglect, or unpredictability, we may develop self-doubt or struggle with self-soothing in adulthood.

Breaking the Cycle

- Recognising Old Patterns: Notice if your self-criticism echoes past voices.

- Compassionate Reparenting: Starting to build imagery of offering yourself the care you needed as a child.

- Secure Attachment with Your Baby: Focus on moments of connection rather than perfection.

💡 Exercise: Imagine yourself as a child. What words of comfort do you wish you had heard? Try saying them to yourself now.

4. The CBT Model: Thoughts, Feelings, and Behaviours

CBT helps us understand how our thoughts, emotions, and actions are linked. Unhelpful thoughts can fuel difficult emotions and lead to coping behaviours that keep us stuck.

Image source: Get.gg

Common Patterns in the Perinatal Period:

- Thoughts: “I’m a bad parent.” → Feelings: Guilt, shame → Behaviours: Withdrawing from support.

- Thoughts: “I should be enjoying this more.” → Feelings: Anxiety → Behaviours: Pushing through exhaustion.

- Thoughts: “Everyone else is coping better.” → Feelings: Loneliness → Behaviours: Avoiding social contact.

💡 Exercise: Write down a self-critical thought. Now challenge it: Is it a fact or an assumption? What would a kind friend say instead?

5. Tools for Managing Thoughts, Feelings, and Behaviours

Managing Thoughts

- Self-Compassionate Reframing: Replace self-criticism with kinder perspectives.

- Thought Diffusion: Picture your thoughts as leaves floating down a stream, letting them pass rather than getting stuck.

Managing Feelings

- Grounding Techniques: 5-4-3-2-1 sensory check-in (5 things you see, 4 you touch, etc.).

- Breathing Exercises: Inhale for 4, exhale for 6 to engage your soothing system.

Managing Behaviours

- Small Acts of Self-Care: The perinatal period can be the ultimate challenge to parent self-care. If this feel out of reach, are there any micro-practices you can implement (switching a 1 minute scroll for a 1 minute self-soothing practice?).

- Connection Before Correction: When struggling with your baby, focus on reconnection rather than perfection.

💡 Exercise: Choose one strategy from above to try today. What do you notice?

Final Thoughts: You Are Not Alone

Struggling doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means you’re human. Early parenthood can stir up old wounds, but it also offers an opportunity for healing.

By bringing awareness to our thoughts, softening our self-judgment, and seeking connection, we can break cycles of shame and self-criticism. You deserve kindness and support, just as much as your baby does. 💛