Every parent will experience moments where their patience runs thin, and we all react in ways we wish we hadn’t. These moments are often triggered by things that push our buttons or bring up difficult emotions.

Understanding your parenting triggers can make a huge difference in how you respond to your child, especially during those challenging moments. One of things I love most about my work is helping people to understand and manage their emotions, and feel more satisfied in relationships with their children and loved ones. I hope this is a helpful introduction.

What Are Parenting Triggers?

A parenting trigger is anything that causes an intense emotional reaction in us, often leading to responses like shouting, frustration, or shutting down, that don’t reflect how we really want to parent.

Triggers are personal—what sets one parent off may not bother another. They can stem from past experiences, personal expectations, or simply the stress of a busy day.

Common examples include:

• Feeling disrespected: If your child ignores your requests or talks back, it might trigger feelings of being disrespected.

• Mess or chaos: Constant clutter or disorder can make you feel out of control, especially if you prefer things to be neat and tidy.

• Your child’s behavior: Tantrums, whining, or refusal to listen can tap into feelings of frustration or powerlessness.

• Feeling overwhelmed: Juggling parenting, work, and household tasks can lead to exhaustion, and the smallest thing might set off a big reaction.

The good news is, with some awareness and practice, we can manage these reactions more effectively.

How to Identify Your Triggers

The first step in managing triggers is identifying what they are. Here are some tips to help you figure it out:

• Pay Attention to Physical Clues: Your body often reacts before your mind catches up. Notice if your heart races, your muscles tense, or your jaw clenches. These are signs that you’re being triggered. When we’ve lived through a lot of stress, our bodies hold tension habitually. They can also be the key to releasing it. Tune in as much as you can throughout the day; for example using a body scan to check for tension.

• Reflect on Past Reactions: Think about times when you’ve overreacted. What was happening right before that? What was your child doing? Did you feel disrespected, embarrassed, or out of control? Reflecting on these moments can help you pinpoint common triggers. It can be helpful to keep a ‘triggers log’ of any times throughout the week, and reflect back on the patterns you notice.

Tools to Manage Your Triggers

Once you’ve identified your triggers, you can start working on managing them. Here are a few tools to try:

• Attend to your Nervous System: When you feel a trigger response coming on, ‘name it to tame it’ “that’s anger”. take a few deep breaths before reacting. This gives you a moment to calm your body and think about how you want to respond.

• Tune into Your Thoughts: What are you thinking about yourself and/or your child. For example, if you’re perceiving their behaviour as intentionally defiant, remind yourself that it’s a normal and healthy part of development, not a personal attack.

• Connect with your Network: Where difficulties and traumas often occur in relationships, so often the healing does too. If you have access to safe and trustworthy relationships, it can be helpful to talk about your triggers. Non-Violent Communication (NVC) is a neat communication process, that you can find out more about here.

• Practice Self-Compassion: Parenting is hard, and it’s okay to have tough moments. When you feel triggered, the culprit is generally an overactive threat system. Compassion-focussed therapies can be invaluable in learning to soothe ourselves in order to soothe our little ones. For more on this approach, you might like to check out one of my other blogs “Why do I feel like this?”.

Parenting triggers are a normal part of the journey, but they don’t have to control you. By understanding what sets you off and using tools like pausing, reframing, and self-compassion, you can respond in a way that feels calmer and more intentional. Remember, you’re doing your best, and every small step toward managing your triggers makes a big difference for both you and your child.

I hope this is a helpful introduction to some of the ideas and tools for managing triggers. I know that this stuff is easier in theory than in practice. If you are struggling to manage triggers of your own and would like some additional support, please do feel free to reach out for an introductory call.