When we think about trauma, it’s often not about one big event. It’s often something that ripples through our inner world, without our full awareness. Compassion-Focussed Therapy works by helping us to connect with our inner world and treat ourselves with kindness, build resilience, and heal the wounds we might carry from the past.

One of the things I love about CFT is that it is quite a tangible therapy, with some practices we can practice for ourselves, without therapy. In this blog, I want to share how we can use the Ladder of Compassion to climb out of painful patterns we may have inherited. I’ll also dip into some neuroscience, which shows how self-compassion doesn’t just feel good, but also rewires the brain.

Why Compassion-Focused Therapy?

Compassion-Focused Therapy was developed by psychologist Paul Gilbert to help people who are struggling with deep feelings of shame and self-criticism, often connected to traumatic experiences. If trauma is part of your story, you might know this well—the harsh, punishing voice inside that tells you you’re not good enough, or that everything is your fault. CFT helps us start to treat ourselves with the same kindness and understanding we would offer to a dear friend, helping to quiet that inner critic and heal the wounds it keeps reopening.

The Science Behind It: How Compassion Changes the Brain

Compassion-focused practices are not just about feeling nice. They change the brain in powerful ways. Neuroscience tells us that when we practice self-compassion, we’re working with our brain’s evolved systems for soothing and bonding (the parasympathetic nervous system) rather than the systems that fuel fight-or-flight responses (the sympathetic nervous system).

Studies using brain imaging show that self-compassion activates parts of the brain associated with positive emotions and social connection, like the prefrontal cortex and the insula. Over time, CFT can rewire the brain to respond differently to stress.

However, for most of us, moving straight from self-criticism to unwavering self-love is going to be a reach. This is where the Ladder of Compassion comes in...

The Ladder of Compassion

The Ladder of Compassion, a helpful way to understand the step-by-step process of building self-compassion. Each rung of the ladder represents a different skill or mindset that can help you feel more compassionate toward yourself. Let’s explore how we climb that ladder, starting with basic mindfulness and working toward developing a compassionate inner voice.

1. Connecting With Ourselves Through Mindful Breathing

The first rung of the ladder starts with awareness. Often, when we are caught up in trauma, stress, or shame, we don’t even realise we are in survival mode. Mindful breathing helps us become aware of what’s happening inside us and creates a space for calm.

Exercise: Mindful Breathing

• Find a quiet place to sit or lie down.

• Close your eyes and take a deep breath in, hold it for a moment, and then slowly breathe out.

• Focus your attention on the sensation of your breath. Feel the air coming in through your nose and flowing out through your mouth.

• If your mind starts to wander (which it will!), gently bring your focus back to your breath.

• Be kind on yourself when you first try this out. If your mind is particularly busy, try for just a few seconds. If you feel comfortable with more, try for 5-10 minutes a day and build up in a way that feels sustainable for you.

• Once you’re familiar with this introductory practice, you might like to start noticing your body in these practices. Notice any tension, and as you breathe out see if you can release some (if you can’t, that’s okay too!)

2. Noticing the Inner Critic

As you move up the ladder, the next step is learning to recognise your inner critic. This is the voice that judges, criticizes, and blames. For many people, this voice is the result of trauma—it’s a defense mechanism that tries to protect us by keeping us “in line.” But it often ends up being the source of a lot of suffering.

Exercise: Identifying Your Inner Critic

• Throughout the day, notice when you start to hear that critical voice inside.

• Ask yourself: Whose voice is this? Does it sound like someone from my past?

• Write down what your inner critic is saying. Sometimes just seeing the words can help us to see them in a different light.

3. Building Compassionate Self-Talk

Once we’re aware of the inner critic, the next rung on the ladder is replacing those harsh words with kinder, more compassionate ones. Think about how you would speak to a friend who was struggling. That’s how we want to speak to ourselves.

Exercise: Rewriting the Script

• Take one of the critical thoughts you wrote down earlier. For example, “I always mess things up.”

• Now, rewrite that thought in a compassionate way. For example: “This is hard. I’m doing the best I can, and it’s okay to make mistakes.”

• Practice saying these new thoughts out loud, or write them down in a journal. Over time, this will help shift your inner dialogue to something more supportive and kind.

4. Compassionate Imagery

Finally, at the top of the ladder, we can start to develop a compassionate inner image—an idealised version of a compassionate figure (this could be yourself, someone you admire, or even an imagined figure). This imagery can help us strengthen our compassionate mindset.

Exercise: Creating Your Compassionate Image

• Sit in a comfortable position and close your eyes. Take a few deep breaths to center yourself.

• Now, imagine a figure who embodies perfect compassion. This could be a wise older person, a spiritual figure, or even an animal. It’s someone who loves and accepts you exactly as you are. (Note: Try to keep this figure an imaginary one, rather than based on a person you actually know).

• Picture this figure standing or sitting with you. How does their presence make you feel? Warm? Safe? Supported?

• Spend a few minutes each day visualizing this figure, particularly when you’re feeling stressed or self-critical.

Building a New Legacy of Compassion

See how you go with these practices. Sometimes, when we start practicing self-compassion, our inner critic might chime in with “this is a load of ****”, or even criticise you for criticising yourself “look, you can’t even do self-compassion”. This is very much part of the process, if these thoughts come up, see if you can notice them as the voice of the inner critic, rather than as facts.

In addition, we all have different ways of thinking, if the imagery (or any other practice) doesn’t work so well for you, it’ll just be for a lack of fit rather than a personal failing. Try to take it easy on yourself.

If you would like more support, then I would be pleased to help. Click here to book an initial consultation.